ak　louder；　shout；　for　I　am　deaf。

Ah　how　could　I　possibly　admit　an　infirmity　in　the　one　sense　which　should　have　been　more　perfect　in　me　than　in　others；　a　sense　which　I　once　possessed　in　highest　perfection；　a　perfection　such　as　few　surely　in　my　profession　enjoy　or　ever　have　enjoyed。　—O　I　cannot　do　it；　therefore　forgive　me　when　you　see　me　draw　back　when　I　would　gladly　mingle　with　you；　my　misfortune　is　doubly　painful　because　it　must　lead　to　my　being　misunderstood；　for　me　there　can　be　no　recreation　in　society　of　my　fellows； refined　intercourse；　mutual　exchange　of　thought；　only　just　as　little　as　the　greatest　needs　mand　may　I　mix　with　society。

I　must　live　like　an　exile；　if　I　approach　near　to　people　a　hot　terror　seizes　upon　me；　a　fear　that　I　may　be　subjected　to　the　danger　of　letting　my　condition　be　observed—thus　it　has　been　during　the　last　half　year　which　I　spent　in　the　country；　manded　by　my　intelligent　physician　to　spare　my　hearing　as　much　as　possible；　in　this　almost　meeting　my　present　natural　disposition；　although　I　sometimes　ran　counter　to　it；　yielding　to　my　inclination　for　society；　but　what　a　humiliation　when　one　stood　beside　me　and　heard　a　flute　in　the　distance　and　I　heard　nothing；　or　someone　heard　the　shepherd　singing　and　again　I　heard　nothing；　such　incidents　brought　me　to　the　verge　of　despair；　but　little　more　and　I　would　have　put　an　end　to　my　life—only　art　it　was　that　withheld　me；　ah　it　seemed　impossible　to　leave　the　world　until　I　had　produced　all　that　I　felt　called　upon　to　produce；　and　so　I　endured　this　wretched　existence—truly　wretched；　and　excitable　body　which　a　sudden　change　can　throw　from　the　best　into　the　worst　state—Patience—it　is　said　I　must　now　choose　for　my　guide；　I　have　done　so；　I　hope　my　determination　will　remain　firm　to　endure　until　it　pleases