e　to　have　legal　rights　to　his　own　children；　see　them　bear　his　name；　be　joint　owner　of　the　home　they　share。　As　it　is；　their　mother　could　at　any　time　lock　the　door；　throw　him　out；　walk　off　with　a　new　lover；　taking　the　children　with　her。

I　know　a　couple：　a　middle…aged　business…man　and　a　younger；　professional　woman。　His　first　marriage　ended　in　divorce。　It　cost　him　a　lot　of　money。　Never　again；　he　vows；　will　he　put　himself　at　such　disadvantage。

His　partner　dreams　of　marriage　and　a　family；　but　her　reality　is　a　long…term　limbo。　The　man’s　friends　don’t　quite　accept　her。　The　ex…wife　won’t　let　the　children　meet　her。　Occasions　with　his　family　place　her　discreetly　in　the　background。　She　feels　they　all　regard　her　as　inferior：　the　one　not　good　enough；　or　loved　enough；　to　be　his　wife。

There　must　be　many　similar　scenarios；　where　the　ones　who；　for　reasons　of　their　own；　won’t　mit　themselves　have　it　all　their　way；　whilst　those　willing　to　give　themselves　freelysuffer　in　silence。

“How　is　married　life？”　I　asked　a　childhood　friend　over　a　cup　of　coffee。　We　were　in　our　mid…twenties；　hadn’t　seen　each　other　for　years。　I’d　heard　she’d　got　married　shortly　after　leaving　school。

Duality　二重性（3）

“Not　all　it’s　cracked　up　to　be。”　There　was　no　mistaking　the　disillusion　in　her　voice。　As　she　busied　herself　stirring　her　coffee；　a　tear　fell　from　her　eye；　straight　into　the　cup。

“He　doesn’t　make　me　happy；”　she　revealed　despondently；　surprising　me；　who　had　girlish　illusions　of　marriage　as　a　state　of　eternal　bliss。　“What　about　him？”　I　inquired。　“How　does　he　feel？”

Her　reply　was　a　blank　look。　I　probed　further：　“Is　he　unhappy；　too？”　She　shrugged。　“Haven’t　you　talked　to　him　about　it？”　“There’s　no　point；”　she　said　dismissively。　“He’s　not　what　I　had　hoped　for。”