A　very　drunk　D　and　a　ruddy…faced　older　Irish　man　at　a　pub　on　Upper　Broadway；　noisily　reciting　Joyce。　Poetry　may　be　good　for　their　souls　too；　but　can　they　keep　it　down？

your　e…mail

q：　Dear　Gossip　Girl；

Hello。　I’m　a　sous　chef　at　the　restaurant　of　an　exclusive　downtown　hotel；　and　we’ve　been　getting　quite　a　few　room　service　requests　from　the　same　patron。　I　was　curious；　so　yesterday　I　delivered　the　order　myself。　She’s　very　beautiful；　but　looks　very　sad。　How　do　I　let　her　know　that　I　would　be　happy　to　hang　out　while　she　eats　her　omelet　without　seeming　creepy？

—topchef

a：　Dear　Top　Chef；

I　hate　to　disappoint　you；　but　if　you’re　talking　about　the　same　tragic　brunette　beauty　I　know；　I　think　what　she　needs　right　now　is　some　time　to　herself。　If　you’d　like　to　do　something　for　her；　I　suggest　a　plementary　order　of　cheese　fries；　onion　rings；　or　any　other　too…bad…to…order　foods　all　girls　secretly　love。

—GG

q：　Dear　Gossip　Girl；

I　can’t　wait　to　get　to　college。　Or　at　least　get　a　college　boyfriend。　Should　I　graduate　early？　Show　up　at　my　sister’s　campus；　even　though　she　never　invites　me？　Advice　please！

—mature

a：　Dear　Mature；

While　it’s　always　admirable　to　aspire　to　a　position　greater　than　the　one　you　currently　occupy；　why　the　rush？　High　school　may　seem　tedious；　and　your　uniforms　may　seem　tacky。　But　trust　me；　you’ll　miss　it　when　it’s　over。

—GG

q：　Dear　Gossip　Girl；

My　girlfriend　and　I　are　visiting　her　hometown；　and　she’s　been　acting　kind　of　strange。　She　hasn’t　introduced　me　to　any　of　her　old　friends　from　high　school。　It’s　like　she’s　trying　to　hide　something。　What　do　you　think？

—New　Boy

a：　Dear　NB；

There　are　a　few　possible　explanations：　Maybe　she’s　shy。　Maybe　she’s　hiding