d wished to acpany me to the sea…side。 This St。 John opposed; he said I did not want dissipation; I wanted employment; my present life was too purposeless; I required an aim; and; I suppose; by way of supplying deficiencies; he prolonged still further my lessons in Hindostanee; and greplishment: and I; like a fool; never thought of resisting him—I could not resist him。
One day I had e to my studies in lower spirits than usual; the ebb was occasioned by a poignantly felt disappointment。 Hannah had told me in the morning there was a letter for me; and when I went down to take it; almost certain that the long…looked for tidings were vouchsafed me at last; I found only an unimportant note from Mr。 Briggs on business。 The bitter check had wrung from me some tears; and now; as I sat poring over the crabbed characters and flourishing tropes of an Indian scribe; my eyes filled again。
St。 John called me to his side to read; in attempting to do this my voice failed me: words were lost in sobs。 He and I were the only occupants of the parlour: Diana was practising her music in the drawing…room; Mary was gardening—it was a very fine May day; clear; sunny; and breezy。 My panion expressed no surprise at this emotion; nor did he question me as to its cause; he only said—
“We will wait a few minutes; Jane; till you are more posed。” And while I smothered the paroxysm with all haste; he sat calm and patient; leaning on his desk; and looking like a physician watching with the eye of science an expected and fully understood crisis in a patient’s malady。 Having stifled my sobs; wiped my eyes; and muttered something about not being very well that morning; I resumed my task; and succeeded in pleting it。 St。 John put away my books and his; locked his desk; and said—